What You Can’t See…

Look at me, I’m dying inside,
My mind torn apart from just trying to survive. 
I’m full of anger, I’m full of rage,
A lion trapped in a too small cage. 
You think I am normal, the same as you,
I’m trying so hard to look that way too. 
What you cannot see, you don’t think is there,
I’m crying inside, but why don’t you care?

I can act just like you, I mirror and mask,
It comes to me naturally, requiring no task. 
I don’t know who I am, that persons not me,
Why can’t I be who I just want to be?
When you cannot see the pain in my mind,
You can’t understand why you think I’m unkind. 
I’m broken, I’m damaged, I can’t be repaired,
I’m angry, I’m sad, and I’m desperately scared. 

All these emotions run wild and intense,
And from the outside they make no sense. 
The rules and compulsions I have to obey,
The endless demands day after day. 
The struggle I fight so you don’t see the break,
Holding on tight for everyone else’s sake. 
The questions that eat away at my soul,
The emptiness, the void, and lack of control. 
None of it shows to the rest of the world,
Just loose, scattered pages, unanchored, unfurled. 

How can I expect you to see what is hid?
To know what I fight, or the work that I did?
If it isn’t visible, you don’t believe,
While I’m trapped in the weight of what you perceive. 
You turn a blind eye, you turn a deaf ear,
And walk right on by while I’m drowning in fear. 
You can’t understand what you can’t see,
The chaos of living with OCD and BPD.